Editor’s Note: Amy Klein is a New York-based writer covering health, fertility, parenting and Jewish issues. Her most recent book is “The trying Game: Get Through Fertility Treatment Without Losing Your Mind.” The opinions expressed in this commentary are her own. Read more opinion at CNN.
From the moment we woke up last Saturday morning to news of the war in Israel, my husband’s and my phones started buzzing with the question, “Is your family okay?”
My husband is an Israeli-born naturalized American who served in the Israeli army. Most of his family still lives in Israel: his mother as well as 34 cousins and their families. Because his family lives in the Tel Aviv area, they were mostly unharmed, hiding out in shelters when the sirens went off and alerted them to incoming rockets from Gaza.
They were safe, but they were not all right. Same for most of my relatives and friends in Jerusalem, where I lived for almost a decade (I’m American but a naturalized Israeli citizen).
With over 1,000 Israelis dead and counting, thousands injured and as many as 150 Israelis feared kidnapped – graphic videos showing scores of twentysomethings being shot point blank at a desert rave, women stripped and bloodied, the elderly, children and babies snatched and tormented, people screaming for their lives on terrorists’ motorcycles, piles of bodies found at kibbutzim – no one in Israel is all right.
And most Jews in America are not all right either.
Whether we know someone who was killed, kidnapped, injured or among the 300,000 reservists called up for military service, we are not all right.
We might be safe — for now, security is beefed up at synagogues, schools, Jewish Community Centers (JCCs) — but we are not all right.
Even Israelis and Jewish Americans who do not support Israel’s current government or its policies — over this last year the very fabric of American and Israeli Jewry has been bitterly divided over Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s so-called judicial reform to strip power from the Supreme Court — have put their political differences aside because they are shaken to the very core.
Whatever we believed about Israel and how it should behave, we were sure the country had a strong military with excellent technology and defense capability to protect its citizens — but any sense of security has been shattered.
In pictures: Israel at war with Hamas
In synagogue on Saturday night and Sunday, where we were supposed to celebrate one of the most joyous religious holidays, Simchat Torah, the rabbis cried while holding the holy Torah scrolls.
“How could this have happened?” my husband kept saying. “There are so many layers of defense along the Gaza border, how could they all have failed?” Like many, he declared: “It’s our 9/11.”
My husband is not all right. For him, like many others, this attack brought up the devastating Yom Kippur War, which occurred when Egyptian and Syrian armies invaded Israel on the holiest day of the Jewish calendar 50 years ago. His cousin went missing in action and was never found.
My American Jewish friends are not all right. Even if they don’t know anyone in Israel. Even if they support the formation of a Palestinian state alongside Israel. Even if they oppose a military retaliation in Gaza that will kill so many more.
“When I heard the news on Saturday evening, I thought it was a mistake,” said a religious mom, who had turned off her phone for the Jewish holiday and heard about the conflict from the synagogue security guard.
She and I were attending our kids’ Jewish day school’s morning prayer vigil, where leaders recited Psalms and said the prayer for peace for Israel. Most parents at our tight-knit school were wiping the tears from their eyes, knowing that this prayer for peace and divine intervention was already too little, too late.
We weren’t sure our 8-year-old daughter should attend the school vigil, but we’d already explained to her there was a war going on in Israel, that bad people had attacked Israel but our family and friends were safe. “Did you talk about the war in school today?” I asked her. She said it was the talk of the playground, with some kids saying, “First there were grenades and then came the bullets.” Then, for us parents, came a letter from school saying Hamas might be releasing videos of Israelis being tortured so be mindful of our kids on social media.
With New Yorkers on high alert (our Israeli “scouts” hike was canceled Sunday at the behest of the Israeli consulate), as the New York Police Department and FBI increase security around places of worship, I know that she, too, is safe. But watching her father glued to his phone and the two of us speaking Hebrew in hopes she won’t understand, I know she might also not be all right.
American Jews are scrambling to help – but don’t know how. “What can we DO?? What can I do? What can anyone do?” lamented well-known bookfluencer Zibby Owens.
“It’s 3AM and your Jewish friends are not OKAY,” I noticed a friend doom-posting in the middle of the night. Debates rage in my neighborhood synagogue and school WhatsApp groups over whether it’s better to donate money to established organizations or to buy equipment and supplies for soldiers and send them directly to Israel.
Meanwhile, synagogues, JCCs and schools are hastily arranging community events of song, prayer and discussion groups. And here in New York, as in other cities, we are engaging in demonstrations of support for Israel to provide a counterdemonstration to pro-Palestinian groups.
Many American Jews are also beginning a different battle: the one on social media.
Nobody wants to repost the mother and her two redheaded sons being abducted by Hamas militants. Or the story of the grandmother they murdered on video that they then uploaded to her Facebook page. But we see that even though most countries are decrying Hamas and lending unprecedented support for Israel, on college campuses such as Harvard, the pro-Palestinian brigade is still blaming Israel for the atrocities. Jews and Israelis including activist Noa Tishby say it’s important for the world to see “the true face of Hamas.”
Because we know the drill: Even if the world is on our side today, once the death toll rises on the other side — even if it’s without pillaging and baby-snatching, even if it’s because the heavy military response may be the only way to stop this, even if it’s what any other country would do to defend its citizens — much of the world will turn against us again.
But there are also other messages we are receiving, personally and on social media. “So much love to my Jewish friends right now. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but I know it must be very scary. What a tragic and heartbreaking time for everyone,” one of my writer acquaintances posted on Facebook. “Hi, we’re thinking of you, I’m not sure where your friends and family are in Israel but we wanted to check in,” an old friend texted me.
“Thank you for your texts, WhatsApps emails and calls, they mean a lot,” posted a good friend who served in the US Navy and the Israeli Army and moved to Israel permanently five years ago. “But what comes in the future will be very tough, both to us here in Israel and to supporters out of Israel.”
So no, we Jews are not all right. But thank you for asking.