Let's move to: Swanage, Dorset

What's going for it? An eternal mystery of the property market drifted through my mind as I gawped at the Southfork-on-steroids at Sandbanks while queueing for 67 infernal minutes to get on to the car ferry to Purbeck: why would you spend a zillion quid to live here, inexplicably one of the most expensive places in the world, rather than a few minutes across the water in Swanage? Beggars belief. Swanage is not just a fraction of the price, it's a delight, and doesn't have people like me sat outside your front drive belching exhaust fumes over the barbie. Tucked away on Purbeck, Swanage is that rare thing these days, an ordinary, therefore extraordinary, seaside resort: Punch'n'Judy, sandy beach, summer jazz festival, roaring clifftop walks, cute 60s seafront cinema, Uncle Tom Cobley and all. It isn't deprived, nor is it posh. It isn't overrun with hipsters. It doesn't have an award-winning Nu British restaurant. It just is. It's never had airs and graces to decline from, while its slight out-of-the-way-ness seems to have insulated it from, shudder, latter-day trendiness.

The case against Painter Paul Nash, in Swanage in the 30s to relieve his asthma, described its "extreme ugliness". I guess, if you squint, it isn't pretty pretty like St Ives or Port Isaac.

Well connected? You'll need a car, though a decent bus service plies its way to the trains at Wareham, with twice-hourly services to Dorchester (15 mins) and Bournemouth (24). The magnificent Swanage steam railway has hourly trains to Corfe Castle (30 slow but lovely mins).

Schools Primaries: St Mark's CofE and St George's CofE are "good", says Ofsted, with Swanage First and St Mary's RC First "outstanding". Swanage Middle is "satisfactory". Secondaries: the Purbeck in Wareham is the nearest: "good".

Hang out at... You won't want for seaside cafes (Beavers does a nice teacake). Loving the pasties at the Square and Compass at Worth Matravers.

Where to buy North of Swanage Bay, as the land rises to Ballard Down, especially north of Victoria Avenue up to Redcliffe Road and Ulwell Road. In Swanage's tiny historic heart, old cottages around Church Hill, etc, and good streets of terraces and town houses. Also nice south from Queen's Road up to Durlston.

Market values Large detacheds, £400,000-£700,000. Detacheds, £275,000-£400,000. Semis, £210,000-£350,000. Cottages, £190,000-£240,000. Flats, £110,000-£400,000.

Bargain of the week Large four-bed town house with decent back garden, at the end of the high street, £282,500, with Miles & Son.

From the streets

Elizabeth Clarke "A safe, ungentrified and unglamorous town with everything you need. The people are friendly and happy and active. When summer stops, the town resumes its own life. The downsides: the brutally unattractive Mowlem centre squats in the centre in a prime seafront location, obstructing the glorious sea view."

Harry Bell "For a small town it does big things – festivals each month from March to October, including art, blues, jazz, comedy, carnivals."

Antonia Phillips "Take a walk up the 'Downs' for a picnic, then back to the stone quay for oysters and cava at Gee Whites."

Dick and Kate Martin "The town beach is very child-friendly, with lovely sand and shallow sea."