It has been a while since I opened a boy account on Ashley Madison (AM). I don’t know what it is, but I don’t remember having the same trouble one of my clients had with “women” reaching out. He opened his first account and noticed attention from women in their 30s, but didn’t know why. He engaged a few, then began to get an understanding of it.

The pattern

He responded in some cases and noticed the same pattern —

• connect
• move off-site to chat app
• her AM profile disappears
• endless conversation
• no potential for meeting
• cash ask

When he first contacted me, he was in the middle of this mayhem. His other problem was he is too nice. Realizing something was going on but not quite sure what it was, he was reluctant to shut them down. My first advice was to block and move on, but that’s tough, especially when you think there’s a chance.

After a couple of weeks of that, he hid his account, took a week off, and then asked me what to do.

The reset

I recommended:

• a new profile
• tighter control over who was messaging
• I manage his profile from the ground up

After he opened the basic account, he passed it over to me to build out, and that’s exactly what I did. I wrote his last profile, so made the new one different, picked a cool profile name, and greeting that matched.

Who’s real and who’s a scammer

When I first logged into his new profile, he already had messages and photos waiting for him. My first thought was ok, who are these women, so I went and had a look. What I found were some obvious fakes, not-so-obvious fakes, auto-generated messages, and a flake.

There were six to eight that first day. And a few more the next day, and now it’s trickling off. Here are two —

• fukicategozo — Hey, ever tried to hook up with an asian am woman…
• sunukapa — Favorited you

Obvious fake

Sure, fukicategozo might be a real lady, but I’ve never had to go looking for a date on AM. I did once, and it might have ruined him, but generally, there’s enough on offer without asking if they ever tried to hook up with a redhead AM woman…

I’ve had red hair long enough to know that 98% of the men I meet want to have sex with me, and the other 2% are lying to themselves if they say they don’t. It’s like asking children if they’d like to ride a unicorn.

What’s my point?

Real women are not going to ask anyone if they’ve tried to hook up with their [insert best-selling feature here]. Every man they’ve ever met has tried to hook up with their best-selling feature. More than a few men have tried and succeeded at taking their best-selling feature without consent.

Real women know you want to have sex with them; they don’t need to offer.

Auto-generated messages and photos

Because they know you want to have sex them, they aren’t going to just toss their pictures at you as Pbrq6 has above — I’ve granted you access to my private photos is her way of drawing you into her trap. For the reasons outlined in the last section, real women don’t need to draw you in with their photos.

The message from hopnhophappiness — Please check out my profile to see if you might be interested…was auto-generated. What triggered the auto-generation is not clear but it was probably a wink. I blocked her before evaluating it more because it wasn’t worth the credits or time to find out.

A flake who could be a sophisticated fake

The message I pinked out above was likely from a real lady who had checked out my client’s profile but didn’t message. This is one of the things real women tend to do. Yes, they get a lot of offers but they also look around. When I checked her out, her profile seemed like something a woman would write, so I thanked her for checking out ‘my’ profile.

In our short chat, she told me she lived in the midwest, but her AM location was listed as near NYC. When I asked her how she found my client’s profile, as he isn’t in NYC, she got snarky and told me to ask AM because it wasn’t her platform. She then asked what the problem was if my client was willing to travel. She’d read the profile, so she knew he was willing to travel, which was a good sign, but the disproportionate response to my question seemed misplaced enough for me to question if she was real. Maybe someone looking for a sugar daddy?

That’s when I decided, real or not, she wasn’t for my client. This message was probably self-indulgent but I was a little P.O.’d at her —

I wrote — Sorry, my finger slipped [I started the message, but hit send before getting to the punch line]. I’m working on my client’s behalf to screen out profiles like, yours, because people like you wasted so much of his time he thought he’d bring me in to prescreen any interactions he might have. Best of luck in your search.

Less obvious fake

This one sent a message with an immediate invite off the platform. I covered her insta so you wouldn’t want to hate on her, but I’ve left everything else. She’ll be gone by the time you read this.

I call her less obvious, because it is an actual message, but it offers sex sight unseen. I don’t need much time to decide if I’d have sex with someone, but I need to see a face and body first. Most real people are like that. We call it “chemistry,” but I need to know you’re to my tastes and preferences.

My client mentioned that once he moved off the platform, the woman’s profile would disappear. That happened twice. Sure, some women hide their profiles, but not usually right away. They’ve often got a short list of men on a string and only hide once they pick the one they want to focus on.

Age differential fake

The other tell is vbvcht’s age — 33. My client is listed in his late 50s, so over 20 years older than this profile. The vast majority of these profiles were listed in their late 20s and 30s. Isn’t that every man’s fantasy? It might be.

Do you know what isn’t every 20-something woman’s fantasy? Sleeping with someone older than their father. Yeah, some do, and good for them, but I never went out with the girls looking to go home with someone’s grandpa.

I once saw a recently divorced/separated friend of my dad’s at the bar by himself, and it was the saddest, most pathetic thing I’d ever seen. I felt sorry for him — but not sorry enough to throw him sympathy sex.

I stayed on the other side of the bar and laughed at him with my friends. Again, some women might give a man sex because he was down on his luck, but not many. Not enough for you to encounter a dozen of them on an adult dating site looking for sex twice a week from a stranger, sight unseen.

You probably won’t encounter one.

Location differential

The people reaching out were from all over the place. Some from Europe and Asia. One account in his messages was from elsewhere, but when I went back to block it, it had blocked me. Then, it appeared a few minutes later in the same geographic location! I was honestly amazed at the brazenness! Then I blocked it.

If they aren’t from your area, or a couple of hours away, they’re scammers. Even if you say you’ll travel. Look at the flake. She wouldn’t tell me why she was saying she was from one place but connecting from another. An average woman would have said, “I’m visiting my sister and going home on Saturday.” They wouldn’t have gotten bitchy with me. Or they might, but that’s what block’s for.

Fakes in the search return

I’d never encountered this before. I’ve never found the same profile during a search on the same night, so I was surprised when I found these FineCup profiles. Look at:

• where they’re from — New Jersey and California
• their coded profile handles — FineCup9404 and FineCup9445
• their age — both 45
• and for those listening, their pictures are identical

Nothing says scam more than these two active profiles using AM at the same time.

Scammer targets

Who’s she looking for? That poor depressed man I saw in the bar over 30 years ago. She’ll make him feel good, promise him the moon and the stars, and when she has him, she’ll ask for his money.

And he’ll send it. They’ll have never met, and he’ll send ‘her’ money. A little. A lot. All of it. And she’ll string him along until he runs dry. Never meeting him once.

And if not him, the next guy, or the next. There’s a reason they target older men. They tend to be less internet-safe, have more money, and if they’re on AM, they’re lonely in their marriages.

Why they move the target offsite

This one is simple. AM scans the conversations looking for signs of fraudulent activity. They focus on patterns and will instantly delete a woman’s account if the pattern is detected.

One of the patterns they look for is offers from women to move offsite, like the message above. I was suspended doing that once, and many women have been. I imagine people asking for money are also looked at.

Because men pay on AM, and women don’t, the entry point for scammers is wide open. AM knows that and constantly sweeps the platform. If you’re a legit woman, they let you back on after some grovelling. If you’re a scammer like Ms. FineCup, you get back on the horse by adding the next number to your profile.

But Teresa, what about nasty bots?!

Bot, bot, bot. It’s all you hear these days from people who disagree with you on social media. Bots are everywhere and nowhere! Bots are going to get you. Russian bots are saving us from pedo-lizards running the deep state and the new world order they’re promoting!

And yes, in 2015, AM was using bots to get men chatting because the ratio of men to women was 20:1. The ratio might have been high, but trust me when I say men and women were meeting through AM. It wasn’t entirely a scam, and the ones who think AM is a scam today are just like the ones who spoke out during the breach — guys who weren’t meeting and chatting with anyone.

I asked Reddit what it thought and people replied they thought it was more auto-generated emails than bots. These were sent to men stating a lady had a new picture or offered a potential match or list of new female members. These aren’t bots, but some made it look as if the woman was involved, and that caused the men to spend money on the site.

My boy’s account has been hidden for months, and I still get these almost every day —

The one below checked out my boy’s profile, but she was gone when I went to look for her. Was it auto-generated or was she a scammer? I’ll never know.

Takeaway

Keep your eyes open to these sorts of scammers and auto-generated emails. Your starting point should be that they are all fake. And are if —

• strangers aren’t routinely offering you unsolicited sex as you go about your day anywhere else in your life.
• they ask you to leave the site in their first message.
• they wink or favorite you without looking at your profile.
• they have nothing written in their profile.
• they get weird when you interact with them.
• they share their photos.

If you think they’re a scammer, block them. If you’re in the middle of a chat and get the feeling, something is off, block them. Don’t waste another second of your time on them.

Finding a real lady on AM to chat with isn’t hard. You just need to know what to look for, how to be prepared, and what to say. When I work with clients, they frequently get conversations with real women started.

I don’t guarantee sex, though; that’s the client’s job, but I open the door.

This is the only guy on AM I went hunting for, and I sort of regret it. Not for the bad sex, but because I set an unrealistic expectation of how easy it was to find a woman on the site. I wanted to be his first and was. He hasn’t had any luck since me, and he was sadly so bad I couldn’t go against my cheating mantra and knowingly chase regretful sex, even if I thought he deserved it —

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© Teresa J. Conway, 2022